The Chosen One must speak on this,
Its been a busy week. Summary and summations and silly straws for everyone!
Im a Pseudo-Uncle Today! A friend of mine just had his first child Claire; 9lbs of Going-to-be-Socially-Awkward-ness. I got the call at 3am that the wifey had gone into labor; got a text at around 9am, trumpeting the triumphant arrival of the newest member of the Rank and File.
This comes on top of a fairly successful Saint Patricks Day. The poor boy and his very pregnant wife played chauffer to myself and my neer-to-well drunkard of a friend, The Beard. He and I, claiming car trouble had managed to cajole my ex-roommate into dropping us off at The Dublin Pub, wherein we drowned ourselves in Irish Car Bombs and Guinness and other such delicious drinks. It was a fantastic evening, marred slightly by our irritated observation of the distressing Hot Chicks to Ugly Dudes ratio (made more so distressing by the Hot Chicks *with* Ugly Dudes ratio. No exaggeration, we spied a man gargantuan enough to fit two girls into his pants with room to spare, *with* two girls who *were* trying to get into his pants. Dayton, where be thy standards?) Chatted with an old friend, ran into an old acquaintance, tore down the bar and lit the night on fire.
Of course, Beard, drinking three beers to my one, was ever the incontinent, but in a comical way anything and everything we said was perceived as the funniest thing hed ever heard, and he had become possessed by a Savant Obsession with hamburgers (ah~ drunken cravings, *there* be thy sting). My friend (now father to my pseudo-niece) took it all in good humor; his wife, on the other hand, maintained the patience of an exhausted woman who carrying a bowling ball strapped to her waist and had to endure a two hour drive with her husbands drunken and hungry friends (Officials were amazed at the amount of blood at the scene of the crime.
Thankfully, I had a moment of foresight, and, at the last minute, managed to get Saint Hangovers Day off. A fortuitous move on my part, considering I didnt see the other side of my sheets until 5am. My luck continued to hold out thanks to past experiences, Id properly hydrated/drugged myself before bed, thus dodging the Hangover Bullet by mere inches (I was grazed, but unscathed).
In the car department, however, Ive been less fortunate. The Beretta, while loyal and capable having recovered from its Near Death Experience a few days ago is well on its way to The Pasture. My newest car, similarly, is having some issues with its Air Intake Valve. Thankfully I have the kindness of friends to lean upon, and have been able to procure a Loaner Car while The Mean Green Machine is being hammered. Would have liked to patch up Baby, but, with Student Loans and other sundry bills chewing away at my hard-earned Surplus, the immediate short-term costs supersede the long-term benefits. A pity its always done well by me, despite all the abuse Ive forced it to endure. Though theres little left to the old girl, she was, and still is, a good car. But far be it for me to get sentimental over an inanimate object. Maybe Ill get lucky and Greeny will be a Lower Maintenance kinda girl. A cheapskate can hope.
My legs are going numb from blood-loss, and my stomach echoes like a cavern. Some cheeseburgers and a walk through the city may be in order. I think I shall take my exercise.
The Chosen One has spoken. Heed and obey.